Last year before I found out that I was pregnant with Zane I had been doing a lot more traveling around speaking and had put on my first brunch for women in business & ministry. I was so excited because more speaking invitations were coming and things that I had only dreamed of began to taking place. In the midst of this whirlwind I found out I was pregnant again.
It was a Monday night at 8:45 and I was running to Fred Meyers for a dinner it I had forgotten.Some how I ended up on the aisle where they pregnancy test were sold, and it was one for $4. So I bought it as a joke....well guess who the jokes was on? ME.
I came home and took the test and that line showed up so fast. I sat there looking at the test and I was numb. How did this happen again? So soon? ( I mean we all know HOW it happen, but still.)
Looking back now I remember the feelings of shame that had overtaken me. I didn’t tell my mom and family until a while after out of fear of judgement. I allowed what should have been an exciting celebratory moment to be robbed from me and replaced with that shame and embarrassment. It’s so silly now but in the moment it was very real to me.
Later on in my pregnancy I was so mad because I recognized things were shifting, and it was out of my control. The invitations kept coming but it began to interfere with my due date /mat leave time so I couldn’t commit. I was feeling like my speaking/ ministry season was over before it even started. Not realizing that my first ministry was actually expanding and increasing.
Somewhere along the lines I convinced myself that Preaching from a platform was greater ministry than raising my children. That being in front of the crowd was a greater work than being before the two God has given me. I esteemed what takes place on the platform with higher honor. So much that....
I forgot motherhood was an Honor.
It is a honor to train a child up in the way they should go. It is an honor to shoot them in the right direction.
It was a honor that God saw fit to entrust me & my husband with two precious gifts.
I had forgotten that.
I will never again allow myself to pursue platform ministry while allowing the one in my home to die. I will not feel guilty for having to say NO to things that will not allow me to serve my family well. My husband, my boys, and my home will get the best of me. They deserve it.✨
Graycefully, Sabrina ❤️🍃
